Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
