We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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