Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
