hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
