oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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