They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
