Don't make out with my wife yet
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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