he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
