You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
