Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
