Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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