It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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