Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
