I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
