Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
