Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize