it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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