Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
