Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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