Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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