Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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