awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
