Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
