it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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