I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Welp...herpes.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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