dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
