apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
