Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
