I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You're earring is so big in my mouth
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize