DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
