My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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