mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
