Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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