I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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