Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
