Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
