I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
