Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
