i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Barsexuality is the new black.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
