Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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