I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
