i think my tv is drunk
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
