i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
and she was petting her beer can
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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