i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We're too hungover to prance.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
