he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
