my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
