just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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