so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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