Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize