Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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