As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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