if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize