my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
