I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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