i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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