yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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