You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The air taste purple.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
