Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize