Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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