i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No subtext here. People are naked.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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