totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
