just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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