the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
In America we eat man semen.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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