The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
