I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize