he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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