I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
