420 ftw
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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