It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
