Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
