It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize