i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
