Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
