I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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