I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
