Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
