I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
whose parrot is this?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
