i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
This baby is an asshole
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
