It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
