history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
