things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
