Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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