I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
