You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
