I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
