There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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