definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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