Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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