you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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