I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
