The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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