the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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