You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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