Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
