Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Im part way to drunk.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
