While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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