Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
