she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
