so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
