Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
